秋雨来临的时候

罗卿源

来自作者：My name is Geoff Luo, I am a 3rd-year student at UBC. I am majoring in history and pursuing to become a teacher. My hobbies include playing badminton and travelling. 我叫罗卿源，今年在UBC上大三。我的专业是历史，以后希望可以当一位老师。我最喜欢打羽毛球和出去旅游。

 

        在我很小的时候，妈妈每天晚上都会给我读书。她一边读给我听，一边给我看里面的图画。书上都有什么呢？有一个亮亮的太阳挂在天上对着人们笑，当人们快快乐乐地玩了一天以后，他们就会回家睡觉了。太阳公公也累了，他也慢慢地下山回家了。当美丽的天空变得昏暗以后，月亮和星星就出来了。那时候的我好想快一点长大，早一点认识那些中文字，这样我就也可以读书给妈妈听了。

 

 

        我叫罗卿源，我的故乡在昆明。小的时候我非常有活力，每天都贪玩，还特别讨厌上学。上课的时候我会跟朋友们偷偷玩神奇宝贝，下课以后我会立刻跑回家，跟我的两个表妹在后院里玩到天黑。那时候的我最喜欢爷爷奶奶和外公外婆带我和表妹一起去公园玩。昆明的天气每天都非常好，风景也很美。夏天的时候，雨下得很温柔。雨停了以后，公园里会铺满一大片绿色的青草。这个时候，公园里有许多好玩的地方，比方说有过山车，游戏摊，还有一个很有趣的动物园。我们甚至还可以坐小船、喂小鸟。那时候的我真的过得很快乐。可是，有一天，不知道为什么，爸爸妈妈跟我说我们要搬家，去一个很远的地方，以后也很少有机会能见得到爷爷奶奶和外公外婆。

 

        在飞机停在温哥华机场的那一天，我才六岁。我们一家来到了一个不熟悉的环境里，这里的人说着陌生的语言。我记得爸爸在中国的时候试着教过我一点英文。我小时候喜欢玩玩具车，所以爸爸拿着一张车的图片告诉我它的英文叫“卡”，就像卡片一样的音调。可是，当我跟别人说“卡”的时候，他们都听不懂。那时的我因为不懂英文，在学校里交不到朋友，还被别人欺负。有一次，别人推了我，所以我也去推了他一下，可是老师只看到我动手。我不会用英文解释，所以只有我一个人被罚。

 

        后来，我很努力地去学英文，希望可以跟别的孩子一起玩。渐渐地，我的英文水平提高了，可是学着学着英文，我对于中文的记忆越来越少，小时候想给妈妈读的书也就忘了。那时候，爸爸妈妈一直都很忙，慢慢地也就和我的交流越来越少了。渐渐长大以后，我觉得自己既无法适应中国的文化，也融不进加拿大的文化。在家里父母管我管得特别严格。我的朋友们都有游戏机和手机，可是我的父母觉得我应该好好学习，所以我再怎么跟他们要手机或游戏机，他们都不同意。而在学校的时候，下课以后通常会有活动。有一些活动我很想去，因为我的朋友天天都去，可是我下课以后还要去上补习课。上小学的时候，我觉得自己的生活跟同学们的生活很不一样，因为那时候的我觉得很不公平，为什么我朋友的父母都跟他们关系很好，可是我的父母却不了解我。

 

        不知不觉地，我跟爸爸妈妈讲的话越来越少，也不知道什么时候开始，我回到家就把房间的门关上，躲在里面。因为我觉得有很多事他们不懂，我只好跟别人说。那时的我已经放弃了中文，中国的亲戚也没有联系了，所以距离也越来越远。等到我上中学的时候，我的父母还是不给我买手机或者是用电脑。在温哥华的中学，每个孩子都有脸书，他们都在网上一起玩，可是因为没有电脑和手机，我没办法参与他们的对话。

 

        每个夏天，学校放假以后，我都会很想回昆明去看爷爷奶奶和外公外婆，还有童年跟我一起玩的表妹。可惜，温哥华离昆明太远，我很少有机会可以回去。有一次，我在中学做志愿者的时候去了一个公园。虽然那个公园没有过山车，也没有动物园，可是风景特别美。我很喜欢去那里玩，因为那个公园里的湖很像昆明的湖。后来，我每天都去那里做志愿者，可是公园里的草渐渐地枯了。温哥华的夏天很少下雨，我也没有办法救小草，只好闷闷地等秋雨到来。

 

        长大以后，我才知道小草并没有在等雨。很多时候人生真的没有选择，就像草籽一样，风往哪里吹，它就往哪里飞。小时候，我因为融不进这边的文化，所以一直怀念童年的时光。可是既然住在这里，一边回忆童年，一边在这里生活只会让我自己更难受。虽然我受到过很多歧视，但我会去慢慢地适应，慢慢地克服。我觉得当一个加拿大华人很孤独，虽然我知道我的父母为我牺牲了很多，在异国他乡，我们应该是彼此最亲近的人，但是因为这段独自成长的经历，我有很多他们不太了解的想法。

 

         不管发生什么，秋雨来临的时候，我想我不会再等它了。

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When the Autumn Rain Flows

 

When I was small, my mother would read me a bedtime story every night. As she read each word, she would also show me the child-like drawings that came with the book. What were these drawings of? There was a bright sun hanging in the sky, smiling at the people below. After a happy day of playing, it was time they all went home to sleep. The Sun was also very tired, so he slowly drifts back to his house beyond the mountains. When the beautiful sky darkened, the moon and stars came out and illuminated the night sky. The little me back then had wished to grow up soon, so that one day I can learn the Chinese characters and read to my mother too.

 

My name is Luo Qing Yuan, and I was born in the city of Kunming. When I was small, I was very playful and full of energy. I hated going to school. Whenever we had class, I would secretly be playing Pokémon with my friends. After class, I would immediately run home, and play with my two cousins in the neighbourhood until dusk comes. Back then I loved going to the park with my grandpa and grandma. Kunming’s weather was always really nice, and the scenery was just beautiful. During the summer, there would be a gentle shower would come by and leave the park with a field full of lush green grass. During this time, a lot of events would open up in the park, such as roller coasters, and even a very exciting zoo. We would spend all morning paddling a little boat on the late and the afternoon feeding the birds. In my memory, those days would always be one of the best times of my life. However, one day, my parents told me that we will be moving, and it will be somewhere really far. It would be difficult to see my grandparents again.

 

I was six years old the day the plane landed in Vancouver. Our family came into a place we were unfamiliar with, and everyone spoke a different language. I remember my dad tried to teach me a little bit of English before. I used to love playing with toy cars, so he had a poster of a car in my room with the English spelling on it, but the Chinese reading for it was pronounced as “ka”, like how you would say “card” in Chinese. When I tried to tell people what my favourite toy was, none of them could understand me. Since I did not know English, it was difficult making friends at school, and there was some discrimination. One time, someone pushed me when we were lining up, and I pushed them back, but the teacher only saw me. I wasn’t able to speak up for myself because I couldn’t speak English, so only I was sent to detention that day.

 

Afterwards, I worked really hard to learn English. I saw other kids playing with Pokémon and I wish I could join them too. Eventually, my English did improve, but as I got better speaking English, I started to lose interest in Chinese. I had forgotten about the book I wanted to read to my mom. During those early elementary school days, my parents were also very busy, and because they didn’t have time to play with me, I slowly drifted away from them. There was a lot of pressure from both sides, for example, my parents were very strict at home. All of my friends at school had a Nintendo DS, but my parents did not allow me to have one because they wanted me to focus on studying. Additionally, every day after class, there would always be fun events that many people went to. There was one that I really wanted to go because my friends would always go and tell me how fun it was, but I would always have piano lessons after school instead. I felt like my life was somewhat different from those who I grew up with in elementary school, and I felt it was really unfair that my friends and their parents get along so well together, but my parents couldn’t understand my way of thinking.

 

Unknowingly, I started to distance myself from my parents. I don’t know when it started, but every day after class during my high school years, I would run up to my room and shut myself in. I felt like there were a lot of things my parents could not understand, and that it was pointless trying to talk to them. Also, I wasn’t really able to talk to my cousins or grandparents anymore since I had stopped learning Chinese. It left like I was slowly drifting away from my family, and I couldn’t do anything to change it. Even in high school, my parents stayed very strict and I was not allowed to have a phone or laptop. Everyone at my high school kept in contact with facebook，and they all played games together, but I can't even participate in their conversation.

 

When summer came, we would all have a two month break in which I would ask my parents if we could go back and see my grandparents and the cousins I grew up with. However, since Vancouver is really far from Kunming, we were not able to go every year. One day, while I was volunteering in the summer, we came to a very nice park. Although there was no roller coaster in this park, or an exciting zoo, there was a beautiful grass field that always gave me a nostalgic feeling. I started to go there almost every day because it reminded me more and more of the park in Kunming. However, as the summer weather got hotter, the grass all dried up. Vancouver doesn’t rain much during the summer, and I could only sit there and watch the grass field turn yellow. There wasn’t anything I could do, except wait for the autumn rain to come. I felt like I was the grass, always waiting for that something to happen.

 

After I grew up, I realized that the grass field was never waiting for the rain. Sometimes, we don’t have a choice in life, and like the grass, they grow wherever the wind carries them. I used to always look to my childhood for comfort because I couldn’t really blend in with my new surroundings. I came to realize that since I am living here, yearning for my past childhood would only bring sadness. Although there were a lot of struggles, I will slowly adapt and overcome them. To me, being a Chinese-Canadian also comes with a feeling of loneliness. Caught between two cultures, it is hard feel like you are a part of either one. For me, I felt like I wasn’t really able to live the same life my friends did growing up, and my relationship with my parents might not be as close as it should be, considering how much they sacrificed.

 

From now on, I won’t be waiting for the autumn rain either.

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