我的双重身份

吳穎媞

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​来自作者：我是一个来自香港并且曾经住在上海和北京的UBC留学生。虽然从小就居住在不同的城市和接受西方的教育，但是我却依然对香港保有认同与归属感。我希望其他和我一样是”香蕉人”的孩子都可以为自己的身份而感到自豪。

I’m a UBC student, who was born in Hong Kong and grew up mostly in Shanghai and Beijing. I have never forgotten to regard Hong Kong as my home. I hope other “bananas” like me can feel proud of their own identity.

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       2017年的暑假，经过爸爸的安排，我可以回香港实习两个月。听到这个消息之后，我无比兴奋。这两个月是我继三年级离开香港后第一次回到这个城市，做一个真正的香港市民。在离开了家乡的十几年里，我每一天都很想念小时候住在香港的日子。我想念在香港的亲戚、食物、街道、文化，想念在香港起床的每一天，想念香港的一切。

 

       爸爸告诉我公司里大家都是用广东话沟通的，很多东西也会用中文写。他让我自己趁暑假前的这段时间多学点中文，要不然到时候我什么都不懂。我当时并没有把爸爸说的话放在心上，心里想爸爸妈妈每天跟我讲粤语我都能听懂，到时候肯定没问题。谁知道到了公司的第一天，我才发现是噩梦的开始。

 

       刚到公司报到的时候，我的上司把我带到了一间办公室。她一开门我就看见有几个跟我一样也是来实习的大学生正在开心地聊天和工作。我的上司让我自我介绍的时候我竟然开始紧张了。我紧张的原因不是因为害羞，而是我不知道应该怎么用广东话自我介绍。我吞吞吐吐的说了几个字：“Hi, 我是 Jacqueline, 我…” 看到我紧张的样子，我的上司连忙帮我解释说：“Jacqueline之前上的是国际学校，现在在加拿大上大学，所以英文会比广东话说得好。未来几个月大家就要互相帮助啦！”我立即点头微笑表示同意，并表现出开心的心情。上司走了之后，那几个实习生很友好地主动跟我聊天，我马上就感到轻松一点了。经过了解，原来他们都是香港人，在香港长大、上大学。有趣的是他们的英语水平和我的中文水平差不多。

 

       他们喜欢一边听音乐一边工作，因为我们都在同一个办公室里，所以他们喜欢把歌播出来让大家一起听。可惜的是他们听的香港流行歌曲没有一首是我知道的。当他们聊起喜欢的本地歌手和歌曲时，我完全接不上话。我平时听的都是英语流行歌曲，所以我只好默默地继续工作。到了午饭时间，我们同组的实习生一般会去附近的餐厅一起吃饭。虽然他们什么都聊，但是我却没有一个话题能搭上嘴。无论聊的是在香港新开的餐厅，还是香港的大学生活，这些话题我全都一无所知。我只好跟着点头微笑，偶尔说说我自己的生活经验。

 

       每天回家的路上我都会思考一个问题，我发现自己不知不觉中好像已经变成了所谓的“香蕉人”。虽然亲戚朋友从小就说我是“鬼妹仔”(在粤语中的意思是“外国女孩子”)，但是我一直都不喜欢。到了这一天，我不得不承认我是一个“香蕉人”，一个“鬼妹仔”。

 

       我回到公司就很诚实地跟朋友们说：“不如你们教我一些现在香港的流行文化吧！我很喜欢香港，而且我一直都把香港当作我的家。我很想可以像你们一样做一个真正的香港人！”

 

       他们听到我这么说都表示很开心。他们很开心我作为一个“香蕉人”没有选择抛弃自己的母语和家乡，而是对香港依然保有认同及归属感，坚持保有对香港的喜爱。他们很耐心地教我，教我不同的香港俗语。他们也告诉我现在在香港年轻人中流行的东西。我慢慢地成功融入了他们的圈子。我的耳机里也开始播放各种各样的粤语流行歌曲。我说的话里开始偶尔会有一两句香港俗语。随着时间一天一天地过去，我对香港年轻人爱去的餐厅和地方越来越熟悉。我当时非常非常开心，我觉得自己对香港文化产生了归属感，仿佛自己完全是一个土生土长的香港人，从没离开过。

 

       后来，我发现原来他们很欣赏我对西方文化的认识。他们不但很喜欢我给他们介绍的英语流行歌曲，而且还对我在国际学校和加拿大的经历非常感兴趣。从小在香港本地学校长大的他们很羡慕我能够接受西方的教育。他们会向我请教一些深奥的英语词语和语法的问题。此外，他们还很羡慕我在很多不同的地方生活过。

 

       我很惊讶，因为我没有想过原来我的经历和“香蕉人”的身份竟然会受到羡慕和欣赏。他们的反应让我开始思考我的”香蕉人”身份，我才发现其实这个身份对我来说是一个优势。“香蕉人”身份不仅让我有机会深入了解中国和西方文化，而且还让我精通三种语言：英语，粤语和普通话。这个身份为我带来的各种优势让我在社会和未来的职业发展上更有竞争力。我逐渐意识到我应该去接纳我的“香蕉人”身份，并且为我的双重身份感到自豪。

 

       现在的我发现了把握这个身份的重要性。今年，为了让我的中文进步，我选择了上中文课。近几年，我也不时会听一些中文流行歌曲。我甚至会让我的中国朋友跟我多说一点中文，这样我就可以有更多的练习机会。

 

       我已经不再为我的身份而感到自卑了。

 

       面对“鬼妹仔”的称呼，我会自豪地用微笑去接受。

 

       作为一个“香蕉人”，今天的我感到很幸运。

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I’m a “Banana”

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 During summer break in 2017, my dad found an internship opportunity for me in Hong Kong. I was super excited after learning about this opportunity. I haven’t been back to Hong Kong and stayed there for more than a week ever since we moved to China when I was in 3rd grade. In these past years, I’ve missed Hong Kong every single day. I missed my relatives in Hong Kong, the cuisine, streets, culture, and just everything.

 

My dad told me that everyone in the company communicates in Cantonese, and that many things are written in Chinese as well. He advised me to learn more Chinese on my own before summer begins, otherwise I would not be able to understand anything there. Shamefully, I did not take my dad’s advice seriously. I thought I would be fine since I understood what my parents said to me in Cantonese every day. Little did I know, the first day of work was the beginning of a nightmare.

 

After I checked-in at the front desk on my first day of work, my supervisor brought me to a small room. When she opened the door, I saw several college students who were interns like me chatting and working happily. I started to get nervous as soon as my supervisor asked me to introduce myself. I realized I was nervous not because I was shy, but because I didn’t know how to introduce myself in Cantonese. I hesitated as I murmured a few words, "hi, I'm Jacqueline, I..." Seeing my nervousness, my supervisor quickly explained for me, "Jacqueline used to attend an international school, and now she’s studying at a university in Canada. Therefore, she’s more comfortable with English than Cantonese. You guys will need to work closely together and help each other out in the upcoming months!" I immediately nodded and smiled to show assurance and excitement. After my supervisor left, the interns took the initiative to chat with me. They were so friendly, which helped me feel a lot more relieved. I learned after chatting with them that they’re all local Hong Kong citizens who grew up there. They were all studying in local universities as well. What I found interesting was that their level of English capabilities was similar to that of my Chinese capabilities.

 

The interns liked to play music through a speaker for everyone in the room as we worked. Unfortunately, I didn’t know any of the Hong Kong pop songs they played. I struggled to join their conversations as they talked about their favorite songs and local singers. I grew up listening to English songs, and all my friends listened to English songs. All I could do was work silently as they chatted.

 

During lunch hours, interns tended to go to nearby restaurants to eat together as a group. Although they talked about everything, I wasn’t able to put myself in their conversations. Whether it was about new restaurants or university life in Hong Kong, I had nothing to say. I only nodded and smiled, and occasionally talked about my own life experiences that were relevant.

 

I thought about this problem every day on my way to and from work. I began to realize I have unconsciously become a "banana". Although my relatives and friends have always called me a "鬼妹仔" (meaning a Caucasian girl in Cantonese), I never liked it and always denied it. But now, I can’t help but to admit I am a "banana ", a "鬼妹仔".

 

One day, I got to work and took the courage to confess to my intern friends, "I really wish you guys could teach me some Hong Kong local popular culture! I love Hong Kong a lot, and I always considered Hong Kong my home. I truly want to be a real local Hong Kong citizen like how you guys are!”

 

They were very happy to hear me say all that. They were so proud of me for not abandoning my mother tongue and hometown as a “banana”, and instead still insist my true identity in and belonging to Hong Kong. My intern friends were very kind as they patiently taught me different popular Cantonese slangs. They also introduced me to the different things young people in Hong Kong nowadays like. I gradually succeeded in joining their social circle. I started to listen to Cantonese pop songs. Sometimes I would even add a few Cantonese slangs here and there in things I say. As time passed by, I became more and more familiar with the restaurants and places that young people in Hong Kong loved. I was very happy and thankful. I finally felt closely connected to the Hong Kong culture, as if I were a native child who grew up there.

 

I later found out that they actually really appreciated my deep understanding of the Western culture. Not only did they enjoy the English pop songs I introduced to them, but they were also very interested in my experience with international school education and life stories in Canada. Having grown up in Hong Kong local schools, they admired me for being able to obtain Western-style education. They started asking me for help on complex questions regarding English vocabularies and grammar. Additionally, they admired me for having lived in and been to so many different places.

 

I was surprised because I never thought my experiences and “banana” identity would be admired and appreciated. Their reactions made me reflect on my identity as a “banana”. Only then did I realize this identity is actually an advantage for me. My “banana” identity not only allowed me to better understand both the Chinese and Western cultures, two extremely opposite cultures, but also enabled me to easily access and learn three languages: English, Cantonese, and Mandarin. The effects of this identity have helped me gain competitiveness in society and for my future career path. I slowly realized I should embrace my “banana” identity and be proud to have a dual identity.

 

Now, I am fully aware of the importance to seize the opportunity that this identity gives me. In order to improve my Chinese, I chose to take Chinese lessons this year. And recently, I have been listening to more and more Chinese pop songs. I even told my friends who came from China to speak to me in Chinese more often, so that I can have more opportunities to practice.

 

I am no longer ashamed of my identity.

 

I cheerfully smile to accept relatives and friends as they call me a “鬼妹仔”.

 

Today, I feel very fortunate to be a “banana”.